Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I get a lot of goofy press releases every day, but the following one takes the cake. Please read on:

Local radio show host and Pastor, Tom Crouse announced
plans to conduct the first Mr. Heterosexual Contest. In response to the "Mr. Gay 2005 “ contest held recently in San Diego, California, the Mr. Heterosexual Contest will celebrate the many positive factors God' s design of heterosexual men. The contest will be held Saturday, February 4th at the Sturbridge Host Hotel and Conference Center in Sturbridge Massachusetts. For more information, please visit www.mrhetero.com or contact Tom Crouse at 413-668-8147.

“Despite what this may look like on the surface, I see this as a celebration of God’s design for mankind, " said Tom Crouse, Event Organizer and Promoter. " This isn't about attacking the gay community. It 's about letting men and boys know it 's OK to be heterosexual. Though the politically correct among us may lead us to believe otherwise, touting your heterosexuality is a good thing. It's the way God made us and intended for us to be. "

Event Logistics ...

Tickets to attend this premier event are now available online at
www.mrhetero.com for just $10 each, $5 for children under 12. Prospective contestants can apply online at the website. Only 20 contestants will be chosen and notified before the event. Each chosen contestant will pay a $20 entrance registration fee.

Contestants will judged by a 5-member panel (4 women and 1 man) on 5 different critical disciplines necessary to be a true heterosexual man:

Strength: The number of Oprah magazines they can tear in half with their bare hands at one time;

Taste: Are they able to decipher different brands of sodas and potato chips and clearly identify them;

Application of Duct Tape: Each contestant will be asked to present a one-minute dissertation of the their best use of duct tape;

Talent: Any talent they want to display in a 3-minute time frame will be judged for its uniqueness and appreciative value;

Quick Wit: Each contestant will be judged on his ability to answer open-ended question posed by Tom Crouse.

And the Winner ...

In addition to sharing the spotlight and tremendous honor of competing in the first-ever Mr. Hetero Contest, each of the top 3 winners will receive a handsome cash prize of $100. $50, and $25, depending upon their placing. In addition, winners can expect a wave of publicity that precedes the typical talk-show circuit following such a public event. They may even be interviewed on Tom's radio show " Engaging Your World, " if time allows. Who wouldn’t’ t want to be known as the top heterosexual male in their area? The perks alone make it all worth the while.

The Future ...

Due to the already tremendous response to the Sturbridge event, Tom Crouse has already begun plans to conduct additional event in each state across America.

" Our wish is to conduct contests in every state and then conduct a national
event, “ added Crouse. " The message is good [It ' s OK to be Heterosexual]. It ' s God [sic] Word. " Stay tuned for announcement of future events.

About Tom Crouse ...
Tom Crouse is Senior Pastor at the Holland Congregational Church in Holland, Massachusetts. He has spoken to audiences throughout the U.S. and internationally in Haiti, Colombia, South America, Trinidad, and Africa. He is a 1993 graduate of Seminary of the East, with a M.Div Equiv In addition to his pastoral duties, Tom now also hosts his own talk show, Engaging Your World, heard every weekday afternoon on 760 AM WVNE, based in Worcester, Massachusetts. He is married and has three children. To learn more about the Mr. Heterosexual contest, please visit www.mrhetero.com. To learn more about Tom Crouses’ radio show, please visit www.engagingyourworld.com. To learn more about the church please visit www.hollandchurch.com

Now, I’m going to call this guy tomorrow in order to find out if he is serious (I suspect he is) and why he believes that heterosexual men need the kind of affirmation that he believes his planned event would give them.

Check back for a report on my interview.


Marky Mark said...

"Now, I’m going to call this guy tomorrow in order to find out if he is serious (I suspect he is) and why he believes that heterosexual men need the kind of affirmation that he believes his planned event would give them."

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say it's a knee-jerk reaction to Queerland USA. It's like when Whitey got all up in arms about black power this and black power that. Now it's GAY GAY GAY everywhere you look, so this guy has to assert his heteroness.

Please update and tell us what you find out. I bet I'm right.

Speaking of heteroness, I am SO HOT for Condi Rice! I am totally serious. But it goes much much deeper than her outer beauty. She is beautiful on the inside too. I respect her and adore her. I also feel a special kinship with her. You (and I suspect most of the readers of this blog) have no clue. NO CLUE! You are so blind.

SRBissette said...

Oh, man, I am glad you posted his bio, Mike. I was thinking as I read this, "Huh? Tom CROUSS is doing this?" (Tom Crouss is an old friend, and may be known to some of your blog readers as the publisher of note at Crossroads Press.) One letter makes a world of difference, don't it?

C'mon, Mark, admit it. It's her gap-teeth. It's how she nips off her terse words with that clipper. It's also how she sternly furrows that distinctive brow, Klingon-like, and fibs without flinching. But most of all, it's that gap-toothed school-marm frown. That's it, in't it??

SRBissette said...

Odd, too, that Tom CRUISE played a fellow involved in an almost identical roadshow pro-hetero-male program in MAGNOLIA. Hmmm, do you think that's where Tom CROUSE got the idea?

Worth asking him, maybe, Mike?

Mike Dobbs said...

Please Mark explain to us. I have an open mind.

I am blind and I MUST see!

Marky Mark said...

No way dude. You aren't commenting on MY blog. I'm not going to up your creds, mofo, til you stop disrespecting me!

SRBissette said...

You know, Mike, Mark really DOES have the hots for Condi. He ain't kidding. A bit.

Think I'll tip-toe over to Mark's blog and diss Condi for shits and grins.