It's nearly the New Year a time for reflection, hope and the best of intentions.
I don't make resolutions much anymore because someone will use them against me later on in the year to prove just what kind of a slug I am. Since I unwittingly provide enough ammunition for those accusations, I really don't need actively work on my critic's behalf.
In the best (or worse) tradition of pundits, I can make resolutions for other people, though. So here goes:
For incoming Mayors Domenic Sarno, Susan Dawson and Michael Boulanger, be resolved that you shouldn't make any promises that your budget can't keep. And try to schedule more than five minutes at any one event so you can give people the idea that you really care instead of simply giving them a token of your attention.
Another resolution should be to treat the press well. Give us more advance notice than an hour for press conferences, if possible. And always give your hottest stories to the staff of Reminder Publications first. You'll go to heaven if you do.
For the Chicopee Board of Aldermen, be resolved you all should get matching T-shirts that read "City Councilor." It will take some time to get people used to calling you a new name.
For the Springfield City Council, be resolved you should actually seek ways to work with the new mayor and the new Finance Control Board instead of being obstructionists. Not all of you have been that way, granted you know who you are.
To the members of the Legislature, be resolved you actually think about what your constituents want, rather than the whims of the leadership.
To folks who want stories from us, be resolved to play by the rules: give us two week's notice if at all possible; send us the notice by e-mail (firstname.lastname@example.org) and feel free to call me or Natasha Clark to see if we've received the e-mail this is not a perfect technology.
Please note we accept bribes. Staple a $20 bill to a press release and you'll be amazed at the service you get. Wrap a press release around a fine cigar. Sprinkle a press package liberally with gift cards. Note: I'm just kidding. Sort of.
To decision makers at the big daily paper, be resolved to at least thank us when you lift story ideas from us. Hey, we love you fellow ink slingers!
To the guys who plow the snow on my street, be resolved you'll actually do a good job instead of the sloppy incomplete one I normally have to endure. There are dirt roads in Vermont that are more carefully plowed than mine in the middle of New England's fourth largest city.
To my neighbors on Beech Street with the dog you've chained to my fence, be resolved you'll actually have a moment of enlightenment and understand how terribly cruel you are to this animal.
To my neighbors on Florence Street with the chickens, be resolved you actually understand you're not supposed to have poultry running around the neighborhood.
(Don't you just love my neighborhood?)
To Lucky the Wonder Bichon, be resolved you will not see the need to lift your leg in the house, especially in the summer when the back door is wide open.
Now for the sake of equal time Damn you, conscience! I resolve to lose more weight; meet my deadline for my second book; convince a publisher to accept my third book; finish scraping and painting my house; retire my Chris and Dan Buendo voodoo dolls they don't seem to work anyway; try not to swear at the television weathermen as much as I currently do; go see more movies in theaters; spend far less time and money on eBay; and do whatever my wife wants me to do when she wants me to do it.
She'll laugh now and use that against me later.
© 2007 by Gordon Michael Dobbs